


Black Card

by rainalin



Category: Fastlane
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Canonical Minor Character Death, Depression, Dominance, Drugged Sex, First Time, Graphic Description, Handcuffs, Healing Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misplaced Guilt, Misunderstandings, Non-Consensual Drug Use, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Restraints, Sexual Violence, Spoilers: Mighty Blue, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-12-06
Updated: 2002-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 11:33:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainalin/pseuds/rainalin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the episode Mighty Blue had gone down a little differently?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Black Card

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Non-consensual sex. Please be aware of your personal triggers. If you have any questions regarding the content of this story, please send me an email: rainalin@yahoo.com and I will do my best to answer your questions and add tags as necessary.
> 
> NOTE: A working knowledge of the episode is a good thing as I twist events to suit my purpose. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Don't belong to me; wish they did. Don't make any money; wish I did. Don't sue; can't give you anything.

Our new assignment was supposed to be easy: go in, meet the contact, hook up with the mark, set him up and walk away. Of course, nothing at the Candy Store is ever easy. 

Trouble found us in the shape of a woman- as usual. Only difference was that Deaq fell for her instead of me. That should have set off warning bells but I didn't hear them and just went calmly on with the meet. 

Jackson Yu was nuts and dangerous, never a good combination. He belittled our connection, Alexa, which really bothered Deaq. Even then I didn't think too much about it, I didn't appreciate Jackson's attitude either. We impressed him, got an invite to his private club, the Phoenix Nest, and we pulled out of there feeling good. 

Deaq couldn't quit talking about Alexa on the way back to the Candy Store and I have to admit, I was curious about the relationship between her and Billie. Alexa didn't seem to be the sort that Billie hung out with and it made me wonder about the boss. I figured once the case was done we could all hang out together and maybe we'd catch a glimpse of the human under Billie's attitude. Well, the case did give us a chance to see the more human side of our boss, I just wish it could have been under better circumstances. 

Billie didn't take it too well when she figured out that Alexa was interested in Deaq but I didn't think anything about it at the time. Of course, she had to go and drag me into the whole mess- basically used me as a messenger boy to warn Deaq off her property. Shit, it made me wonder if maybe there was more between them than just a friendship. Deaq didn't seem to think so but I wondered. 

And then we got to the Phoenix Nest and everything went straight to hell - at least for me. Deaq had the time of his life and left early with Alexa; didn't even come look for me. I gotta wonder if he had, would the events of that night have gone down differently?

*********************

"Black Card" 

Jackson Yu greeted Van as he approached the sofa where he lounged surrounded on both sides by women and guarded behind by members of his gang, the Mighty Blue. 

"Nice place, Jackson Yu."

Van sat in the chair across from Jackson and had to hide his distaste for the man before him, cuddling up to women and snorting but business was business and he had a job to do. Getting down to the important stuff, Van waited for Jackson to supply him with the details of their transaction. 

With the transaction complete and Jackson happy, Van started to stand up to join his partner but was shoved back into his chair by one of the Mighty Blue members.

"Hey! What'yu think you're doing?" Van wasn't too happy at the manhandling and turned his glare toward Jackson. "Call off your dog, man."

Jackson just laughed. "It seems that your partner decided to leave early, Black Card. And he took Alexa with him. I don't think he'll be too happy if you disturb him right now, besides, you haven't had a chance to enjoy the place. So, stay, enjoy the place and I'll get one of my 'dogs' to drive you home."

Van could hear the very serious tone in Yu's voice when he said 'stay' and knew that it wasn't a suggestion so he just nodded and motioned toward the bar. "I think I'll just help myself to something to drink then, Yu, if you don't mind?"

"Of course not, Black Card, it's all on me. Have fun!" Jackson turned back to the women beside him and continued to whisper and pet and snort as Van made his way toward the bar and its relative safety.

"Shit, Deaq, leave me in a joint like this without any backup. Man, when I see you next I am not going to be happy."

Grumbling, Van made himself comfortable in a secluded corner of the club with a soda and watched the partygoers while keeping an eye on Jackson. An hour later, Van found himself feeling slightly tipsy. Frowning in confusion, he glanced down at the drink he had been drinking and took another sip. 

"What the hell? This isn't soda. Shit!"

Standing up carefully, Van tried to make a quick getaway but was stopped before he could go too far by several of the Mighty Blue. 

"Hey, guys, how's tricks?" Van's voice slurred just a little and he struggled to keep away from the men encircling him. "I gotta go, man. Gotta busy day tomorrow and can't be late. So, y'u think y'u could let me pass?"

Smirks crossed the faces of the four men around him and they gently, but firmly, grabbed hold of his arms and escorted him in the opposite direction of the door.

'Shit, I'm going to kill Deaq.' 

Unable to struggle, Van was lead into a spacious room behind the club and left on the edge of a king-sized bed that took up most of the space available. Knowing that he wasn't going to get out of the room without a fight, Van took a good look his surroundings.

The walls were painted black and the blue light kept some of the room in shadows. The bed was covered in a deep red, silk sheet and there were chains sticking out of its headboard. Several other unidentifiable sex-toys were scattered around the room and the more he saw, the paler Van got.

"Shit, shit, shit!! I really don't like the looks of this place."

Standing up on unsteady legs, Van made his way toward the door he’d come in through and had almost made it when he heard a click from beside him. Whirling to the right, Van's eyes grew impossibly big as he saw Jackson come out of a door in the corner. Jackson was wearing nothing but a blue robe and somehow, Van knew that he wasn't wearing anything under it. 

Pressing his back against the outer door, Van struggled to keep calm as Yu walked up to him.

"What're you playing at, Jackson? Let me out of here!" the visible strain in his voice caused Jackson to smirk.

"Now, now, Black Card. There's nothing to be afraid of. We're just going to have a little fun," Jackson seemed to purr as he walked up to Van, "together."

Jackson reached up and laid a gentle hand on the side of Van's face. "After all, your friend is getting to know Alexa. I don't see why we shouldn't have the same pleasure."

As he spoke, Yu began to stroke the side of Van's face in a pseudo-soothing way. Van turned his face away from Jackson's face and attempted to put as much space between them as possible. 

"Where do you think you're going, BC? There's no place to run and no one's going to come and help you; this is my private world." a wide gesture encompassed the room and all its surroundings. "I suggest you not make me angry. I really don't think you'd appreciate it."

There was just enough of an edge to his voice to convince Van that Jackson would do just about anything if angered and the only one that would pay would be him. Shuddering, Van stopped moving and waited with a sinking feeling for Jackson to make his next move.

"Good-boy, Black Card. I think we'll both have so much more fun if you cooperate."

The cruel smile that crossed Jackson's face made Van want to shrink back into the walls and disappear but he knew that any sign of resistance would only anger Yu further so he stood still and watched Jackson. Chuckling, as if he knew the thoughts going through Van's mind, Jackson made his way to the bed where he sat down and grabbed the chains dangling from the headboard. Pulling the chains towards himself, he reached into the pocket of the robe and pulled out an ornate key that he used to unlock the handcuffs dangling from the chains. 

Cold shivers coursed down Van's back as he watched and he shivered, turning desperate eyes toward the outer and inner doors.

"Black Card." The name was spoken with authority and focused Van's complete attention back on Jackson. "If you want to get out of here with a minimum of injury, I suggest that you do exactly as I say. No exceptions. Do you understand me?"

Gulping, Van nodded. 

"Good." Jackson smirked again and leaned back on the pillows, fingering the chains. "Take off your clothes."

Startled, Van looked at him in disbelief but, met with an expression of half-anger, he decided not to push the issue. Carefully, he stripped off his shirt and flung it into a corner. Keeping an uneasy eye on Jackson, Van slowly unbuckled his belt and began to unzip his pants. Pushing them down his hips and legs, Van took a moment to be thankful that he'd decided to wear underwear that night. Finally, Van took off his shoes and socks and stood before Jackson wearing nothing but a pair of nude-colored boxers and his ever-present jewelry. 

While Van had been disrobing, Jackson had reached under his robe and begun to stroke his half-hard erection, which by the time Van stood before him in his underwear, was hard and leaking. 

"My, my, Black Card, you should feel proud. There aren't too many people that can get me this hard just by undressing." The smug purr in Jackson's voice almost made Van sick and he took a half step away from the man sitting on the bed. Jackson didn't miss the movement and smiled in anticipation.

Holding out his left hand and crooking a finger, Jackson spoke. "Come here."

Unable to do anything but what he was ordered to do, Van took one step and then another, until he stood right in front of Jackson. The empty hand waited in the air between them and finally, squeezing his eyes shut, Van reached out and laid his hand in Jackson's. The air around them seemed to tense up but, when nothing happened, Van opened his eyes. 

The moment his eyes opened, Jackson snapped a handcuff around his wrist. With a gasp, Van pulled away but was brought up short as the chain tightened and seemed to drag him closer to the bed. Frantic now, Van tugged at the handcuff and the chain, desperate for some give. A low chuckle was heard just before Jackson reached out and, grabbing the boxers, ripped them off of his body.

Naked, vulnerable and chained to Jackson's bed, Van tried to turn his body away from Jackson's appreciative gaze but was unable to get enough give to do more than a half turn. Wild eyes watched as Jackson stood up and walked around the unveiled body before him. 

Loosening the tie, Jackson slid the blue robe off his shoulders and let it puddle at his feet. Eagerly, Jackson began to stroke his erection as he reached out and touched Van with his left hand. Drawing designs on the creamy skin under his hand, Jackson hastened his strokes and, before long, he came with a cry. 

Shocked, Van watched as Jackson took his right hand, which was streaked with cum, and reached toward Van's cock. At the first touch, Van tried to turn away but it only resulted in him losing his balance and falling onto the bed. 

Disoriented, Van lay unmoving until the smirking face of Jackson blocked his view. 

"I hope you enjoy the bed."

Without waiting for a response, Jackson once again reached out and began to stroke Van's cock. Unable to believe what was happening to him, Van let several seconds slip by before he raised his left hand and began to push Yu away from him. Instead of becoming angry, Jackson just laughed and, reaching over Van's head, pulled the dangling chain towards him. A strong jerk dragged Van's handcuffed right hand up and over his head. The second handcuff was snapped around the, 'til then, free left hand and Van found himself helpless to stop Jackson.

"Enjoy yourself, BC, the night is still young." A quick motion followed the smug laugh and Van's arms were pulled up tight with absolutely no give. Struggling, Van jerked on the chains while Jackson continued his physical assault on the vulnerable body spread before him. 

Kneeling between Van’s legs, Jackson stroked the slowly rising erection with his right hand while his left hand visited the hardening nipples on Van's chest. A low whine began in Van's throat as he struggled against both the chains and the unpleasant pleasure that Jackson's hands were giving him. Finally, unable to take it any more, Van came with a strangled sob. 

A smirk played across Jackson's face as he waited for Van to catch his breath and open his eyes. Once he was sure that Van was watching him, Yu lifted his hand from where it had been playing with the softening cock and licked the dripping cum from his fingers. Shattered eyes watched his motions and Van once again began to struggle against the chains. 

"Now, now, BC. It wasn't that bad, was it? Don't worry, we're almost done." A questing finger stroked across the entrance to his ass and caused Van to freeze. Jackson laughed again as he saw fear creep into the lovely eyes that, until then, had stared at him with hate.

"We'll have so much fun, BC, and then you'll be free to go home. I wonder if your partner is wondering where you are or whether he's enjoying his own 'fun' right now." Every word was accompanied by a stroke across the hole and Van forced himself to breathe as the finger finally breached his most intimate of spots. 

Jackson watched in anticipation as his finger began to slowly sink into Van's ass. "Do you like that, Black Card? Hmm? Do you like my finger fucking you?" Each time he thrust in, he would whisper words of degradation to the prone man. Another finger was added as he watched and he was pleased when an expression of pain crossed Van's face. "Oh, you're so tight and hot. Just waiting for me, aren't you?" A twist of his two fingers brought a gasp of pain from between Van's tightly clenched lips and Jackson suddenly focused on them. 

"I haven't tasted you yet, have I? Oh well, better late than never." The purr was back and before Van could understand what he was talking about, Yu pulled his fingers out of Van's hole and, lowering his head, crushed the pale red lips with his own. A muffled gasp was all it took for Jackson to gain entry to Van's moist mouth and he began to thrust his tongue in and out of the wet cavern. The only sounds audible for awhile were the sounds of Van's soft cries and the clanking of the chains as he attempted to free his hands. 

Finally, Jackson lifted his lips away from Van's and looked with satisfaction at the sight beneath him. Tangled hair and red, full lips. Eyes that shone with moisture and a body just begging to be fucked. Jackson felt his cock pulse at the sight and sighed. "BC, what you do to me. You should be pleased, I've never played this long with any of my other 'guests' before."

Stretching towards the conveniently located nightstand, Jackson reached into the drawer and grabbed a couple of items. Dropping them on the bed, Yu settled back on his knees between Van's legs and looked down. 

"How shall I do this? Do you have any preferences, Van?" for the first time, Jackson called him by his name and caused Van to look at him in terror. 

Chuckling at his reaction, Jackson tenderly stroked the sweat-drenched hair that curled into Van's neck. "Ah, Van, didn't think I knew your name, did you? I think that scares you more than anything I've done so far does. Calling you by your name makes it real, doesn't it?"

The fingers that had tangled themselves in Van's hair suddenly jerked his head up and Jackson smiled cruelly. "Do you want me to make this real, Van? or do you want me to keep it fun?"

Gulping, Van struggled for an answer. "keep it fun." The whisper was all he was able to manage but Jackson was able to hear it. Smiling, Yu stroked down Van's arched throat and began to play with his nipples. "All right, Black Card, we'll keep it fun."

Letting go of his hold on Van, Jackson watched as Van fell back onto the bed and shivered. "Don't worry, Black Card. We're almost done."

Reaching for the items that he'd grabbed from the nightstand, Jackson carefully tore open a condom wrapper and smiled, as Van's eyes grew wide and fearful. "Did you hope that this wasn't going to happen? Sorry, to disappoint, BC, but this is the best part."

Unfolding the condom, Jackson carefully rolled it onto his dripping erection. "I'm a considerate man, Black Card. I don't like getting anything from my 'playmates'. You should be happy that I'm so considerate."

Chuckling, Jackson grabbed the bottle of lube and squeezed a good portion of it into his hand. Smiling, he made a motion toward Van's ass that caused Van to tense up. "Now, now. We're almost done, BC, don't you think it's a little too late to be getting worried? I already told you what I was going to do."

Gently, he began to smooth the lube onto his condom-sheathed cock. "Ah, BC, I'm looking forward to making my acquaintance with your hole."

The rattle of chains focused his attention back on his 'playmate' and he laughed as Van tried once again to regain the use of his hands. "Black Card, I told you we were almost done. Don't make it any harder on yourself." Reaching for the bottle of lube once again, he squeezed out some more and held his hand up. "Behave, BC, or I'll just shove myself into you."

Van collapsed at Jackson's words and waited in silent dread for Jackson's next act. 

Chuckling at Van's reaction, Jackson reached down and carefully breached the hole again. Feeling the tenseness of the pucker, Yu couldn't help but wriggle his finger aggressively. "Ohh, so tight. I can't wait to sink into you, Black Card."

At his words, Van began to breathe deeply, trying his best to relax and keep from being injured. Smirking down at the man whose eyes were tightly squeezed shut; Jackson couldn't help but feel pleasure at the sight. A second finger joined the first and began to scissor back and forth, widening the hole. A gasp of pain followed the inclusion of the third finger but, as the fingers began to thrust in and out, Van moaned. 

"Like that, don't you, BC?" Jackson taunted as he aggressively struck that place deep within the ass that gave intense pleasure. "You'll like it even better when something bigger hits it."

Satisfied that Van's body had been sufficiently prepared, Jackson drew his fingers out of Van's ass and listened as Van groaned. "You want this, don't you? oh yeah, you're just begging for me."

Carefully, Jackson lined his cock up with the entrance to Van's ass. Just as the tip of his cock touched Van's ass, his eyes flew open and he began to struggle. "Oh, Black Card, I warned you." 

Without another word, Jackson rammed into Van's hole and listened in pleasure to the cry of pain that spilled from his red lips. "Cry for me, BC." Thrusting quickly, Yu moved his cock in and out, dragging cry after cry from the man beneath him. "That's it, Black Card. Almost there." 

As Van's cries died down, Yu shifted his movement just enough to hit the pleasure gland and wring a moan from Van. The tightening of the hole squeezed his cock and Jackson threw back his head. "Ahh, so tight. Mmm, could stay like this forever, BC. Such a sweet body!" With one final thrust, Jackson came.

Carefully, he withdrew his soft cock from Van's body. "Black Card, that was wonderful." Stripping the condom from his cock, he threw it over the bed and onto the floor as he focused his attention on the semi-unconscious figure beneath him. Checking quickly, he wasn't surprised to see a slight stain of blood around the hole but confidant that it wasn't much, he ignored it. 

Van's eyes remained half-closed as he struggled to focus on Jackson and as he stood up slowly from the bed and reached down for his robe. Grabbing the key, he reached for Van's hands and unlocked the handcuffs. Shaking his head at the slight marks left on Van's wrists, Jackson grabbed another bottle from the nightstand and rubbed the lotion into his wrists. 

"Well, Black Card. It's been fun, but you and I both have a busy day tomorrow, so I'll say farewell." Shrugging the robe back on, Jackson walked away from the bed and toward the inner door he had appeared in originally. "My car and a driver will be waiting to take you anywhere you want. Sweet dreams." Without a backward glance, Yu let himself out of the room and out of Van's sight. 

As soon as Jackson had closed the door behind himself, Van struggled to sit up. Wincing at the numb pain from his ass and the sharper pain from his wrists, he managed to swing his legs over the edge of the bed. Looking down at his body, he was grateful to see no visible remnant of the 'fun' that Jackson had had with his body. Trembling hands shoved sweat drenched hair out of his face and he focused on getting the hell out of the room. 

Pushing himself to his feet, a shudder shook his body before he walked carefully to where he had thrown his clothes. Pulling on his pants, he sighed in relief when his nether-regions were covered. "a little too late now, van." he muttered as he grabbed his shoes and socks. Pulling them on winded him and forced him to acknowledge the pain in his ass. "not gonna think about it" Van's voice was little more than a dry whisper. As soon as he pulled his shirt on, he made sure that the sleeves covered his wrists and then he carefully made his way to the outer door. 

To his relief, it opened at his touch and he stepped out into the club and noise. Standing to the side of the door was one of the Mighty Blue and, with a smirk and a hand motion, the man led him out of the club and to a conveniently located car. Sinking into the backseat with a wince, Van kept a wary eye on the driver as he gave him directions to his car. Without a word or comment, the man drove Van quickly to the parking spot. Van watched in silence as the taillights vanished into the gloom before climbing wearily into his waiting car. 

Wondering how he was going to manage to keep the pain from his boss, Van started the car and got ready to head for the Candy Store. At just that moment, his phone rang. Startled, he reached over and grabbed it, flipping the lid open. 

"Hello?"

His dry rasp caused the person on the other end to pause for a moment before speaking. 

"Van, is that you?" Billie's surprised voice came over the phone loud and clear, causing him to wince. 

"Yeah, it's me." Swallowing a couple of times, Van attempted to moisten his throat with saliva. "What's up, Billie?"

"Where's Deaq?" Billie's no-nonsense voice came over the phone and he had to laugh at her question. 

"I don't know, Billie. We kinda got separated at the club and I haven't seen him for awhile." 

"Well, get back to the Store and tell me how it went. I'll see you there." And Billie cut off abruptly. 

Closing the phone and tossing it onto the passenger seat, Van leaned his head against the steering wheel and closed his eyes. "Ah, shit. What am I going to do?"

************************

Thankfully, by the time I arrived at the Store and met up with Billie, I was able to move with no trouble. Of course, the sight we saw inside was enough to keep everyone's attention away from me, and if they thought my silence was odd, they had other things to worry about. Billie and Deaq started arguing and I just stood there and thought that it life was weird. I mean here I was, suffering the aftereffects of a rape and the two of them were arguing over Alexa and Deaq's consensual actions. It was ironic and I had to laugh, if only to keep from crying. 

I finally had to butt in and convince the two of them to quit before the pain got too much. Yay for me, I stopped them and got to go home. Tomorrow would be another wonderful day and I'd get to see my rapist get arrested and put away for good- or so I thought. 

The next day, I found myself at the Store before Deaq and had to force myself to pay attention as Billie began going on about Alexa and Deaq again. Trying to keep my frustrations to myself, I attempted to convince her that both Alexa and Deaq were fully capable of making their own decisions and that it could just have been a fated meeting. She didn't seem to buy it and got even more upset when Deaq showed up all happy-go-lucky. You could tell that he'd had a great night and probably a pretty good morning too. Billie was not pleased. At least this time we had somewhere to be and I was saved from more of their inane arguments. 

I couldn't believe that just a couple of weeks ago I was hoping that we'd get to see a more human side of Billie. I just wasn't expecting it to be the jealous side. Deaq swears that Alexa and Billie didn't have that kind of relationship but I still wondered. 

Noon found us in the middle of nowhere, switching cars right on schedule. Everything went without a hitch until Billie and her SWAT made their move. Jackson assumed that we were the snitches that had set him up and drew on Deaq; if Alexa hadn’t stopped him, Deaq would have been shot. Of course, that meant that Alexa had to blow her cover and boy, was Jackson pissed. Billie arrested Deaq and me too and stuck us in the prison car with Jackson, which I wasn't too happy with as you can imagine. 

Jackson was so pissed at Alexa though, that he didn't focus any attention on me and I managed to keep it together. The Mighty Blue staged a rescue and killed both guards, I was just happy to be away from Jackson and couldn't wait to get out of the handcuffs. They were bringing way too many memories to mind. 

Jackson took off with his gang and left Deaq and me high and dry. Deaq was going postal about Jackson's threats towards Alexa and wasn't really thinking too clearly. We managed to get the handcuffs off and then ran into a couple of dimwits with guns. I don't want to know what they were planning to do with us. We knocked them out, grabbed their guns and jacked the first car that headed our way. It was a pretty cool experience but we were both too worried about Alexa to really enjoy it; Deaq because he cared and me because I knew just how twisted the guy was. 

We used the car phone to get through to Billie but, by the time we pulled up in front of Alexa's place, it was too late. Jackson had had already been there and he'd left Alexa behind in a pool of blood. Billie was devastated and then she went nuts. I can only hope that if anything happens to either Deaq or me, she'll react like that someday.

She threatened to send us back to what we'd been doing before if we didn't give her Jackson's location. Deaq and I both grabbed our shields, we weren't about to let her do anything foolish. We knew where he was holed up though and high-tailed it over to the Phoenix Nest. I could so have done without the reminders.

************************

Van and Deaq walked into a quiet Phoenix Nest and saw Jackson sitting on the sofa, just as he'd been the night before. A slight shudder ran through Van's body as he remembered what had happened later but a quick look at Deaq brought his mind back on track. 

Hoping that Jackson still trusted them, Deaq managed to imply that they weren't leaving until they got their money's worth of yabba or an equivalent seeing as how they'd lost their money in the raid. 

Jackson began to brag about his actions regarding Alexa and Van knew that Deaq wasn't going to be able to hold his anger back for too much longer, so, in a misguided effort to prevent bloodshed- namely his own, he stepped between the two and closer to Jackson.

"Hey, hey, if you could just give us something to show for our money, we'll be out of your hair." Van's hands moved nervously as he tried to defuse the situation. "You got any other goods hanging around that we can take? Seeing as how it was your side that had the snitch."

At the last words from his mouth Van knew he'd blown it. 'Shit, man, you knew how close to the edge Deaq was.' 

Turning toward Deaq to apologize, Van saw the doors to the Phoenix Nest burst open just as Deaq drew his gun. Reaching back for his own gun, Van started to turn back towards the Mighty Blue when an arm wrapped around his neck and dragged him up against a solid body. 

"I have no idea what is going on but if you don't want to see Black Card here get his head blown off, I suggest everyone lower their weapons!" The loud voice beside his ear caused Van to freeze and he watched with glazed eyes as Deaq slowly lowered his gun to the ground and kicked it away. The SWAT, led by Billie found columns to hide behind while the Mighty Blue kept their guns pointed in their general direction. 

A stare down between Deaq and Jackson commenced with Van as the prize. 

"Did you enjoy your evening with Alexa, Hayes?" Jackson's voice was just loud enough to reach Deaq, leaving Billie and the SWAT in the dark about what was being discussed. "I'm sure you did. Did your partner tell you how he spent his evening? I bet he didn't."

The low purr beside his ear and the suggestive thrust of Jackson's hips caused Van to shudder. Jackson didn't miss his reaction. "Oh, BC. Did you like it when my hands touched you? Did you like it when my cock fucked you deep? Come on, Black Card, tell your partner all about your evening fun."

A look of dawning horror fell over Deaq's blank expression at Jackson's words. "Tell me you didn't." The harsh question brought Yu's attention back to Deaq and he laughed. "Oh, but I can't because I did. Did you know that your partner here was a virgin to anal sex, at least until last night? He was so hot and tight. Mmm, I could do him again with no problem." Smirking, Jackson nuzzled the shaking man in his arms. "Don't you wish you'd taken him with you last night? None of this would have happened if you'd been around, Hayes. But you had to leave with Alexa and look where that got you. I killed her and I raped Van."

Guilt and horror warred for dominance as Jackson's words reached Deaq and he looked at his partner in apology. 'Shit!' Deaq couldn't help but think as he took in his suddenly fragile looking partner. Van was shaking in Jackson's arms, while his eyes were open and unseeing, locked on some horror that no one else could see. As he watched, Yu's left hand, the one that had been wrapped around Van's neck, began to stroke the side of Van's face. Long, smooth strokes that took his fingers down into the vest that Van was wearing to fondle the nipples there. Van's reaction was sudden and devastating, at least to Deaq, as he went limp in Jackson's arms. A low chuckle could be heard as Yu continued to stroke Van's skin.

Just as Deaq reached his limit, SWAT decided to move and the battle began. Suddenly unwilling to lose the man he held, Jackson dove for cover, taking Van with him and shooting at Deaq. Hitting the ground, Deaq rolled toward his gun but was stopped when one of the SWAT grabbed him and pulled him into an alcove. Struggling against the arms that were holding him, Deaq kept his eyes on Jackson and Van and waited for his chance. 

Finally, all the members of the Mighty Blue, except for Jackson, were on the ground, dead or injured. Deaq felt the arms holding him begin to weaken and lunged, breaking the man's grasp and heading out of the alcove. Grabbing one of the swords off the wall and kicking his gun towards Billie, who'd jammed hers, Deaq attacked Jackson. Startled, Jackson loosened his hold on Van, allowing him to slide to the floor, and faced Deaq. With a slice of the sword, Deaq managed to cut off the wrist holding the gun and tumbling out of the way, grabbed Van, so that Billie could shoot Jackson without distraction. 

Everything came to a standstill as Jackson Yu stumbled and then fell backwards to the ground of his own Phoenix Nest, never to rise again. As SWAT began to stumble around and check on their wounded and any surviving members of the Mighty Blue, Deaq focused his complete attention on his silent partner. 

"Van? you all right?" his low, worried voice echoed in the silence and, as he raised Van's head to look at him, Deaq gulped. The normally vibrant and lively eyes of his partner were blank and that scared Deaq more than the continued silence. "Shit, Van. Come on, babe, speak to me." Gently, he shook Van's shoulders but got no reaction. "Dammit! I should never have left you alone here, what was I thinking?" 

Deaq was interrupted when Billie came up behind him. "What's wrong with Van?" the quiet concern convinced him that it would be better for Van if he told her what Jackson had revealed. "Yu raped Van last night."

Her gasp urged him on and he continued, "I left with Alexa last night, didn't even check to see where Van was and Jackson got him. Dammit, Billie! Van was a virgin and Yu raped him." 

The hand on Deaq's shoulder caused him to look up into worried eyes. "I talked to him last night, called him to ask where you were. He sounded different but I was more worried about Alexa and by the time we met up, he seemed the same as normal. I should have noticed when he was quiet." 

Billie knelt beside Deaq and ran a gentle hand through Van's tousled hair. "Dammit! I kept going on about you and Alexa and he'd been raped. Oh, Van." the tears that filled her eyes made her seem human and caring, something that he'd only begun to suspect since Alexa's arrival. 

With a swipe of her hand, Billie brushed away her tears and nodded toward SWAT. "I'll take care of things here, you take Van with you. Take him somewhere he'll feel safe and stay as long as he needs it. We all deserve a break after this."

Standing up, she squeezed Deaq's shoulder once more before heading off an approaching SWAT member. Obeying her orders, Deaq slowly and carefully looped his partner's arms around his neck. Once he was sure they would stay, he hooked his left arm under Van's legs and, using his right hand to steady his body, stood up with Van in his arms. "Shit, babe, you gotta put on some weight."

Tightening his hold on his partner's body, Deaq made his way up the stairs and out of the Phoenix Nest. "Hope somebody burns the place down."

Making his way to their car, Deaq carefully lowered his traumatized partner into the seat and, kneeling beside him, clicked the seatbelt shut. For a moment, it looked as if Van was coming out of his daze but just as quickly he faded back, leaving a worried partner staring at him. "Babe, if Yu weren't dead already, I'd kill him."

Running a gentle hand down Van's cheek, Deaq carefully brushed his hair back before getting up and shutting the door. Hurrying around to the driver's seat, Deaq got in and started the car, heading straight for his partner's place.

Parking the car, Deaq got out and, after checking for witnesses, lifted Van into his arms. Glancing down at his partner, Deaq was relieved to see that his eyes were closed, in apparent slumber. Kicking the passenger-side door shut, he headed for the elevator.

Getting out of the elevator and heading for Van's apartment, Deaq carefully lifted the keys from Van's jeans pocket. Unlocking the door one handed, Deaq carried his sleeping partner in and, once again kicking a door shut, headed for the bedroom. Settling him on the bed, Deaq went over to the dresser and grabbed a T-shirt and a pair of sweat pants for Van to wear. 

Gently unbuttoning the vest-shirt that Van had worn, Deaq slipped the T-shirt over his head and then, checking to make sure he was still asleep, unfastened and pulled his jeans off, quickly putting the sweats on. Looking down at his sleeping partner, Deaq wondered how anyone could hurt another human being so cruelly. 

Deaq was startled out of his thoughts when his phone rang and reached for it quickly. 

"Hello?"

"It's Billie." The tired voice came over the line. "How's Van?"

"He's asleep." Deaq answered as he carefully covered Van with a blanket and left the room. "Fell asleep sometime between me getting him into the car and getting back to his place."

"Good. That's the best thing for him right now." Billie sighed. "Do you need anything?"

"Well, I came straight here and I don't keep a spare set of clothes here. Or anything else for that matter." Deaq sighed himself. "It's kinda sad that something like this is the reason I end up visiting his pad. Never visited before."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Came Billie's reply. "Sometimes bad things have to happen before you stop and notice the good things around you. So, is there anything special you want me to get from your place or can I choose?"

"Ha, ha." Deaq fake-laughed. "I've got an overnight bag in my closet, it's packed and ready. Just bring that over." Making his way into the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator. "Oh, and you might want to get some food, his fridge is empty."

"Don't get too used to this, buddy." Billie tried for tough before sighing again. "What kind of food should I get?"

"Any kind. Pizza, steak, whatever. He should be able to eat fine, whether he keeps it down is another story. You'll probably need to get some medication too." Deaq rested his head against the fridge. "God knows what all Jackson did to him."

Silence from the other end and then Billie spoke. "Will you be all right?"

"Yeah, it's just hard. I blame myself for this, you know?" Deaq almost whispered. "I traded my partner's safety for sex. Alexa and I, we could've gotten together later, but I couldn't stop myself. Now she's dead and Van's been through hell, not only once but twice and both times, I couldn't do anything to help him."

"Stop it, Deaq! No one's blaming you. Jackson was a sick, twisted son-of-a-bitch. He's dead now, and he'll never hurt anyone again." Billie's forceful voice drew him from his slump. "The main thing now is to make sure Van gets over this and is able to function again."

"Thanks, Billie." Deaq smiled a little, "it's nice to know you care."

"In your dreams, Hayes." Was shot back with a laugh. "Ok, I'm at your place. After I grab your bag, I'll do a little shopping. I'll call you when I get there."

"Right, see ya." Deaq hung up and then just stood there thinking about Alexa. 'I'm sorry about what happened to you and I would give anything for it not to have happened. I'm going to focus on my partner for now, but believe me, honey, I miss you.'

Straightening his shoulders, Deaq wandered back towards the bedroom. Peeking in, he was happy to see that his partner was still sleeping and, leaving the door opened a crack, sat down on the living room sofa. 

A little over half-an hour later, his phone rang again, jolting him out of a light doze. "H'llo?" 

"I'm here." Billie's wide-awake voice came over the wire. 

"Right, do you want me to go down or you wanna come up?" Deaq ran a hand over his tired face and stared blankly at the TV in front of him. 

"I'll come up. That way he's not alone and I'll get a chance to check up on him," decided Billie. "See you in a few." A click and she cut-off, leaving Deaq staring at the phone in his hand instead of the TV.

"Damn." Deaq ran both hands over his face and then walked over to the front door. Keeping a hand on his gun, he peeked through the peephole and, as soon as he saw her get off the elevator, opened the door. "Whoa, Billie, did you get enough food?"

Billie just smiled at him over the brown bags she clutched in her arms. "Whatever, Deaq. You guys are growing boys and you don't know how long you'll be stuck here."

"Can't argue with that." Deaq agreed and taking his overnight bag from her tossed it onto the sofa before turning back to help her carry the shopping bags to the kitchen. 

"Will you be all right for awhile?" Billie turned to look at Deaq. "I'm going to accompany Alexa's body to her parents' and stay for the memorial service and funeral. I'll probably be gone a week, maybe more. Will you be able to handle everything for that long?"

"Yeah, I'll manage." Deaq turned his eyes towards the bedroom before looking back at his boss. "Tell her parents' that it was a pleasure working with their daughter."

Billie nodded and then, surprising both of them, reached out and hugged him. "She was happy with you, Deaq. Believe me. You focus on Van but don’t forget to take care of yourself, ok?"

Loosening her grip on Deaq, Billie stepped back and ran a nervous hand through her hair. Deaq grinned at her a little. "I hope you're right, Billie. And don't worry, I could never forget to take care of myself."

Smiling at that, Billie started for the front door but paused in front of the partially closed bedroom door. Gesturing toward it, Deaq nodded. "Go on in."

Quietly pushing the door in, Billie walked into the dimly lit bedroom and stopped beside the bed. Looking down at the seemingly peaceful slumber of her first recruit, Billie pushed back tears. Feeling a presence beside her, she turned and glanced at Deaq. "He looks so peaceful, like nothing's happened. I hope he'll be all right."

"He'll be fine, I'll make sure of that." Deaq vowed. And then, still looking down at his sleeping partner, he whispered. "I don't understand how anyone could do something so horrible to him. He looks so fragile and innocent. How could anyone hurt him like that?"

Smiling sadly, Billie reached down and gently smoothed back a strand of hair from Van's face. "It's because he looks so fragile and innocent that people want to hurt him. Take care of him for me, Deaq."

Deaq nodded in answer to her plea and they gazed down at Van for a moment longer, until Billie headed out the door. At the front door, she turned and shared a nod of sympathy before leaving the apartment for good. Deaq closed and locked the door, making sure to chain it, before heading for the kitchen and the food that Billie had bought for them. 

Putting the perishables away, Deaq began thinking about Alexa's funeral and missed the first sounds from Van's bedroom. A fear-tinged cry brought his head out of the clouds and had his body headed for his partner. The sight that met his eyes was one that he wasn't likely to forget for a while, if ever. 

Van was curled up in the middle of his bed, rocking his body back and forth, muttering. It wasn't until Deaq got close that he was able to make out the words and then he wished that Jackson Yu were alive so he could kill him, with prejudice. 

"no,no,no,no, not black card, van, not fun, not fun, want deaq, want billie, don't touch, don't touch, dirty, dirty, hate me." Over and over Van muttered as he rocked and when Deaq reached out a tentative hand to touch him, he shuddered and shrank into a smaller huddle, trying to move further away from the hand. 

"Shit, babe, it's all right, it's me, Deaq." Deaq began coaxing his partner out of the shock he'd fallen into. "Shh, you're safe, you're with me. Come on, babe."

Minute followed minute until finally, half-an hour after Van had woken, Deaq was able to gather him into his arms and gently hug him. "Shh, it's all right, babe. You're safe. Jackson's dead, he can't hurt you anymore. That's it, babe."

As Van began to calm down, he began to listen to the words that had, until then, just swirled above him. Leaning into the strong and comforting arms of his partner, Van was able to pretend, for a moment, that everything was just a bad dream. 

"deaq?" the hoarse voice broke through Deaq's words and focused his attention on the man in his arms. "yeah, van? what's up, babe?"

A slight wiggle, which made Deaq loosen his hold, was followed by a glance toward the restroom. "I need to…you know, use the can?"

With a laugh, Deaq let his partner go and watched as he carefully climbed out of bed and headed for the restroom. When Van turned and looked back at him for the third time, Deaq stood up and walked over to him. "Hey, babe, I'm not going anywhere. When you come out of the restroom, I'll be right here, ok?"

Twisting his lips into a semblance of a smile, Van nodded and whispered, "thanks" before heading into the restroom and closing the door. Running his hands through his hair, Deaq glanced around the room and then went back to the bed to straighten it out. Bending over beside the bed to pick up one of the pillows Van had kicked off, he was hidden in the shadows when Van stepped out of the restroom and looked around for him. 

When Van didn't see Deaq right away, he assumed that his partner had left him again and, wrapping his arms around his body, slipped to the floor where he began to rock once more. Just as he began to mummer, Deaq straightened up and glanced over. "Shit, Van!"

Rushing over to his partner, Deaq reached out slowly and laid a hand on Van's shoulder. "Hey, babe. What's the matter? I haven't gone anywhere. I'm right here, just like I said I'd be. Shh, come on, babe."

Coaxing Van back into his arms, Deaq smiled in relief when Van's arms circled his neck. "How're you feeling, Van? you up to something to eat?"

"don't have anything. was going shopping but didn't get a chance." Was Van's answer. 

Laughing, Deaq stood up with his armful of Van and walked toward the door leading out of the bedroom. "You've got food now. Billie bought it for you."

An incredulous voice questioned him as he reached the living room. "Billie? Our Billie? She went shopping." His disbelief caused Deaq to laugh once again. "Yep, our Billie. She went shopping and bought us food."

Suddenly, seeming to realize just who he was clinging to, Van yelped and unhooked his arms and legs from around Deaq to stand on his own. Slightly disappointed, Deaq turned him around and walked into the kitchen, keeping a hand on Van at all times. "Here you go. Sit down and tell me what you want to eat. Chances are, she got it for you."

Sitting on the edge of a barstool, Van watched as Deaq moved comfortably around his kitchen. "How long have you been here?"

"Hmm? Oh, a couple of hours at least. You've been asleep." A gentle smile graced his face as he turned to his partner. "So, what do you want to eat?"

Shaking his head to get rid of the cobwebs, and his surprise, Van thought for a moment. "Do we have any yogurt or cereal? I don't really eat a lot."

"Yeah, no kidding. You realize that you're too light, don't you, Van? We need to stick some meat on that body of yours." Deaq teased him gently as he grabbed the asked for items and added a couple of things to the list. "Here you go, yogurt, cereal, an apple, milk and a slice of bread."

Sending him a look of disbelief, Van nevertheless ate what was placed before him without complaint. When he had finished his meal and Deaq had cleaned up, Van made to go to the living room but was steered toward his bedroom instead. "Hey! I wanna watch some TV, man. 'm not tired."

"Yeah, yeah, babe. But you need to rest. Take this." And Deaq handed Van some medicine. "Then you can crawl into bed and sleep the night away. In the morning, you can watch whatever you want to."

Struggling to stay awake, Van let Deaq lead him to his room and silently swallowed the pills that he'd been handed before snuggling up with his pillow. As Deaq turned to walk out of the room, Van managed to pull himself together and ask a question. "Where're you gonna sleep?"

Shrugging, Deaq leaned against the doorpost. "I'll just sleep on the couch, babe. I'm sure I'll be fine."

Patting the space between him and the edge of the bed, Van tentatively invited him to sleep on the bed with him. "You could sleep here, if you wanna?" 

The half-scared, half-pleading tone of voice convinced Deaq that it would be in Van's best interest if he agreed and so, after making sure that the apartment was securely locked, he grabbed his overnight bag and headed into the bedroom. Making sure to lock the door behind him, Deaq laid his gun on the nightstand to the right of Van's bed and went into the restroom to change. Exiting the restroom, Deaq made sure that Van was comfortable before crawling into bed beside him. "you'll tell me if you want me to leave, 'k, van?"

"yeah, yeah. don't worry about it. just sleep." Van's sleepy voice went a long way to reassure Deaq and he settled down and started to doze. Sometime in the night, Deaq woke to find Van cuddled up to him, turning over, he gathered him closer, falling back asleep with his partner held securely in his arms. A couple of times, nightmares threatened to wake Van, but a gentle voice was usually enough to pull him back to sleep. 

By the next morning, Van was feeling much better and spent the day out of bed. Deaq made sure he didn't overdue himself and that set the pattern for the first half of the week-and-a-half that Billie had given them off. Toward the middle of the week, Van began to feel restless and cooped up, arguing that there was no reason why they couldn't leave his cramped apartment and spend some time in the sunlight. 

After seeing Van's puppy dog look, Deaq caved and took Van out for a day of relaxation and sun. They stopped by Aquarius' place during lunch hour and had a hearty meal with him before heading off to see a movie. The day ended with a visit to an ice-cream parlor where Deaq ordered a vanilla and lemon double cone while Van had a double-chocolate single cone. That night, Van curled up beside Deaq immediately after crawling into bed and, for the first time, he slept the whole night through without interruption. 

************************

I guess you could say that I was surprised when I first woke up and found Deaq in my apartment. I mean, he'd never been over before and then, to find out that Billie had gone shopping. It was enough to make all the bad stuff seem worthwhile. Of course, I wished that none of it had happened, I didn't want to have to look back on this moment for the closeness that I now share with my partner and maybe friend. Alexa's death had hit both Billie and Deaq bad and I didn't feel too good about burdening them with my insignificant problem but when I tried to explain it to Deaq, he got pretty upset so I didn't bring it up again.

It really surprised me how much Deaq was willing to put up with; I had moments when some sound would cause my mind to shift back in time and I'd freak out. I don't freak when Deaq sleeps beside me though, which is real weird. I never used to be able to sleep beside anyone unless we'd had sex first, but with Deaq it was- safe. I haven't had a lot of safe places in my life, so I'm kinda hoping that I'll get to keep this one for awhile. Or at least until Deaq gets tired of me cuddling up to him at night. We have another three days before our break is over, hopefully, I'll be able to sleep on my own by then. 

Monday morning came way too fast and I pretended not to notice as Deaq began to pack up his overnight bag. I'd already caused him enough trouble; I didn't need to add to it. We headed out in my car and I let Deaq drive, which got me a raised eyebrow, but I was still too tired to deal with driving. When we got to the Candy Store, Billie was waiting for us and we followed her to the safe in the back where she stored our badges where they would wait until the next time we pissed her off and she threatened to kick us off the team. The day passed rather slowly and before I knew it, it was time to head home. I've never felt more alone than I did the moment Deaq drove out of the parking lot and away from me. 

I guess I looked lost because Billie looked over at me sympathetically and said that if I needed an extra couple of days, she'd give them to me. Coulda knocked me over with a feather when she said that; I don't fucking get why they've been treating me so nice after the Mighty Blue assignment. I mean, they know I was raped but they're treating me as if it mattered to them. I think it's going to take awhile before I get used to the idea that maybe Billie and Deaq actually care about me as more than just a screw-up of a subordinate and partner. 

I went home to my quiet and lonely apartment that night and just sat in the darkness wondering what was wrong with me. It didn't hit me until I crawled into bed and automatically turned towards Deaq's side of the bed that I was going through withdrawal. I couldn't help myself, I started to cry as I curled my body around the pillow I was using as a substitute, poor though it was. My sleep was restless at best and, towards morning, the sheet tightened around my wrist and brought me panicking to my knees. I couldn't keep from shaking as I got up and headed for a shower. I bypassed the kitchen because there was no one to tell me to eat and besides, I'd forgotten to go shopping again. 

I arrived at the Candy Store just a little late and was surprised to see Deaq's car already in the lot. Walking in, I started to head for Billie's office but stopped when I heard voices from the gun closet.

"Dammit, Billie, don't do this to yourself. It wasn't your fault!" Deaq's voice rang out loud and clear and I could hear Billie trying to explain something to him but whatever she'd said mad him madder and he started cursing. Finally, he seemed to reach an impasse and I had just decided that I'd walk on in and find out what was going on when he tore my world apart with his next words. "You might as well blame Van for getting raped, I mean that's what's caused us to be behind schedule. If you're going to blame anyone, you know who deserves the blame."

If he said anything more, I didn't hear it. I felt like a giant hole had been opened up in my soul and someone had just reached in and grabbed my heart, squeezing it hard. I turned around numbly and left; just hopped back in my car and headed back to the apartment. I'd unlocked the door and flopped on the couch before I remembered that I was supposed to be at the Candy Store for work. I grabbed my cell and speed-dialed Billie's number, leaving her a message saying that I'd take her up on her offer. Then, I turned my cell off and just stared at my blank TV. 

That night, the demons visited me with a vengeance until Jackson Yu made his appearance and dragged Deaq into his perverted game of 'fun' as an observer. Everywhere I turned Deaq's eyes were watching as Jackson fucked me and they kept blaming me for Alexa's death. I didn't get any sleep that night. 

By Thursday, I knew that I had a problem. I hadn't slept more than a couple of hours a night and I couldn't eat. Glancing down at my body, I had to laugh at how mad Deaq was going to be at me for loosing so much weight before I remembered that he blamed me for Alexa. I was so tired and confused, nothing made sense anymore and my gun was looking so good. I knew I was losing it when I actually thought over how I could make the barrel taste better before I stuck it in my mouth. 

Some part of me, the guilty part maybe, decided that enough was enough and grabbed the phone. Dialing Deaq's number, I got his voice box and began to apologize. "'m sorry about Alexa, man, you gotta believe me that I didn't want her dead. God, Deaq, I'm so sorry about her and Dre and you gotta forgive me, I didn't want any of them dead. I'm sorry, man. I'm so fucking tired, Deaq."

By the time I'd dialed Billie's extension, I was so tired my eyes wouldn't stay open and my words kinda slurred. I wasn't sure that she'd understand me but I tried to apologize to her too. "'m sorry that Alexa died, Billie. I didn't mean to cause you guy's trouble and really, I didn't mean to get raped. I know I should've tried harder to get away but he was so scary and I didn't have back up and aw, dammit, I'm so sorry."

By the time I'd hung up, I was exhausted and, grabbing my gun, I headed for my restroom. The least I could do was make sure that the landlord wouldn't have a hard time cleaning the apartment after my death. I knew that the best place for that was the shower, so that's where I went. I stopped to stick on a CD and, as luck would have it, Matchbox Twenty's Bent began to play. Soon, Rob Thomas' voice began to sing:

If I fall along the way  
Pick me up and dust me off  
If I get too tired to make it  
Be my breath so I can walk  
If I need some other love  
Then give me more than I can stand  
If my smile gets old and faded  
Wait around, I'll smile again  
Shouldn't be so complicated  
Just hold me and then  
Just hold me again  
Can you help me; I'm bent  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
Get put back together…

As he hit the chorus, I leaned back in the tub, raised the gun to my mouth and placed the bitter barrel on my tongue. Reaching for the trigger, I closed my eyes and saying a quick prayer, began to squeeze. When I met resistance, I opened my eyes and realized that I'd forgotten to take the safety off. 

"can't even try to die without screwing it up," I moaned as I pulled the gun out of my mouth and reached for the safety. As the safety clicked off, several things happened, the CD in my room was stopped and the door to the restroom was kicked in. Gripping my gun, I pointed it toward whomever had broken into my restroom and waited to see what would happen. 

To my surprise, Deaq poked his head around the door and spotted me in the tub. Shocked, I lowered the gun and stared at him. "what're you doing here? Did you want to kill me yourself?" I watched quietly as the blood seemed to drain from his face before he slowly made his way to my side. 

I figured that if he got too close, he'd get splattered with my blood so I motioned for him to stop. "Hey, Deaq, you get any closer and you'll get blood on you," my warning seemed to horrify him and he knelt beside the tub reaching for me. 

"Dammit, babe. Don't do this." His broken whisper struck a nerve and I found myself focusing on him instead of my gun. "Why not? Isn't this what you wanted? I killed Alexa and caused us to have to take time off. You said I was to blame. What else can I do?" by the end of my speech, I found myself begging him to give me another chance. "I'll do anything, please, forgive me. I didn't mean to get raped or get Alexa killed, please…."

I will never forget the expression on Deaq's face as he realized what I was saying. He looked so shocked and terrified. My hand was still holding the gun, which I raised toward my mouth once more, hoping that this time, I'd be able to pull the trigger. Once again I was stopped; this time by Billie.

"Oh my god, Van!" her horrified voice dragged me out of my zone and I focused on her which gave Deaq plenty of time to reach out and grab the gun from my hand. I moaned in pain and disappointment when the gun was flung into a corner away from me. I tried to move past Deaq so I could get it back but Deaq grabbed me and quickly swung me into his arms. 

An expression of shock crossed his face when he realized just how light I'd gotten over the last three days. As for me, once I found myself in Deaq's arms again, all the tiredness of the last three days seemed to decide that it was time they were paid up and I fell into a deep, dark abyss. They told me later that I was in a semi-coma for about two days before I showed any signs of moving into a normal REM cycle.

******************************

When Van had decided to take another couple of days off from work, Billie and Deaq had thought that it would be a good idea. It would give them time to get back into the groove of things and give Van a chance to recover. After the argument that they'd had in the gun closet, Billie had begun target practicing on silhouettes of Jackson Yu while Deaq had watched and applauded. 

It took them a day of serious target practice before they were able to banish Yu from their immediate thoughts. As they came out of their haze, they realized that they hadn't heard from Van in over two days. Wondering at his silence, they tried calling him but, when he didn't answer the phone, convinced themselves that he was resting. On Thursday morning, with no word from Van, Deaq and Billie decided to pay him a visit. Just as they were getting ready to leave, Aquarius called them. 

"Yo, boss-lady, Deaq. How's it hangin'?" Aquarius' loud, booming voice filled Billie's office and she couldn't help but smile. 

"Hey, 'quarius, how's it hangin' on your side of town?" Deaq's answer wasn't really an answer but Aquarius didn't seem to mind, in fact he just moved on to his reason for making the call. "Hey, Deaq, I heard that Van-boy's been home feeling blue? Is that true?"

"Um, yeah, he's home. Don't know about the 'blue' part but…" Deaq paused and exchanged a look with Billie before focusing on Aquarius once again. "How'd you know about Van?"

"Well, I heard tell that the Mighty Blue was busted and that Van was visiting Yu's club." Aquarius paused for a moment as if trying to decide to continue or not but, just before Billie lost her patience, he continued. "Anyway, seems that Yu had some 'fun' with Van and some girl, a former playmate took exception to it. She slipped some serious depressants into a bottle of medicine that she suggested to your boss-lady when she went shopping."

"Shit! Van's been taking those pills for over two weeks now, Billie. Why the hell'd you wait so long to contact us, Aquarius?" Deaq was out of his chair and headed for the door before Aquarius could answer and was gone by the time he did. When he did, it was simple. "Didn't find out until today. She was in my club bragging about how suicidal Van was going to be and how she'd pay real money to see him do it. I called you right away."

"Thanks, Aquarius." Billie was subdued as she clicked the phone off and bowed her head over her hands. "Shit, what else could possibly go wrong?"

Grabbing her jacket, she reached into her desk drawer and pulled out her cell phone, flipping it on as she stood up. Glancing down, she was stunned to see that Van had called and left a message. Nervously, she pressed the buttons to retrieve the message and stood listening in stunned and growing horror to the jumbled and slurred message from Van. 

"Damn it!" kicking her chair across the room, Billie ran out of the Candy Store and jumped into her car while dialing Van's number. When she was unable to reach him, she dialed Deaq's phone. As soon as he picked up, she knew he'd gotten a similar message.

"Get to him as fast as possible, Deaq." She ordered as she took a corner with squealing tires. Disconnecting, she dialed 911 and ordered an ambulance to meet her at Van's apartment. And then, praying that she'd be there in time, Billie proceeded to run her sirens. 

By the time she ran into the restroom, Deaq was trying to figure out a way to get the gun that Van was attempting to swallow anyway and her sudden arrival was all the surprise he needed. 

Reaching out, he grabbed Van and was shocked when his body lifted easily into his arms. Looking down at the worn and weightless man in his arms, he was surprised when a smile of bliss curved Van's lips and he snuggled up into Deaq's arms, falling into a deep sleep.

Standing up, he walked over to Billie who was tearing up at the wane and wasted figure of Van. Running a gentle hand through his hair, she looked up a Deaq who was staring down at the man cradled in his arms as if he'd found the treasures of El Dorado. Smiling through her tears, she whispered, "keep him safe and don't ever let him go."

A look of complete understanding flowed between them before the EMT interrupted them and Deaq reluctantly surrendered his partner to them so they could get him to the hospital. Riding in the back with his unconscious partner, Deaq never relinquished his grasp on Van's hand. 

The days and nights that followed were hard on them all but especially Van. His weakened body and loss of weight conspired to keep him flat on his back for longer than he'd wanted but he was recovering from the overdose of depressants that he'd been slipped. Every night his nightmares would return and threaten to overwhelm him until one day he begged and pleaded with the doctors to allow Deaq to stay the night.

"I'll sleep, just let him stay with me." Van's pleading was finally able break down the doctors' skepticism and he let Deaq stay over. That night, for the first time in over a week, Van slept a deep and peaceful sleep in the arms that gave him safety. After that, the doctors insisted that Deaq stay with their patient and Deaq agreed. Every morning, he would feed Van and help him gain his strength back while every night, he'd wrap Van up in arms of safety and give him a full night's rest. 

On the third such morning, Van woke to find Deaq still sound asleep and Billie watching them with a smile on her face. When she saw Van's open eyes she pulled a chair up and sat beside his head. "Why do you sleep when he hold's you?" the genuine need to know made Van attempt to articulate his feelings for the first time. 

"His arms, they're not hard or soft, they're just right, they hold me as if I'm important but not as if I'm breakable. It's like, they're safe. His arms are my safe place. Nothing bad can get through when he's holding me. Does that make sense?" Van turned to look at Billie who nodded before quietly getting up and leaving the room. Puzzled, Van cuddled closer to his partner and then yelped in surprise when Deaq nuzzled him. "So, I make you feel safe, huh? I take it that's a good thing."

Blushing, Van managed a nod before hiding his face in the crook of Deaq's neck. After that, whenever Deaq was with Van, he would have at least one of his arms around Van. When he was finally discharged from the hospital the first thing that Deaq did was take him to his own apartment, which was not too far away from the Candy Store. 

"I didn't know you had an apartment, Deaq." Van looked around the sparsely furnished apartment with puzzlement. "I kinda thought you lived at the Store."

Smiling at the curiosity being exhibited by his partner, Deaq nodded. "Yeah, I lived there until a month ago. Billie helped me get this place."

"Hmm. It's not very furnished though, are you waiting to get some new stuff?" Poking his head around the bedroom door, Van couldn't help but frown when he didn't see a bed. "Where are you planning on sleeping, man, you can't sleep on the floor."

"well, see, I was kinda…." Deaq's voice trailed off and he began to run a nervous hand through his hair. Van reappeared in the doorway of the bedroom and looked over at him with worry. "You okay, Deaq?"

Taking a deep breath, Deaq nodded. "Yeah, Van, I'm fine. See, I was hoping, if you don't mind, that you'd move in with me. You could bring over your furniture and your bed, which is real comfortable, and set them up here and well…." His voice trailed off once again as he took in the slightly stunned look on his partner's face. 

Finally, after a moment of silence, Van took a step toward Deaq, who casually held open his arms. As they closed around him, Van took a deep breath and nodded against Deaq's chest. "If you want me to move in, I'm here. But please, be sure. I wouldn't be able to take it if you decided to kick me out down the road."

A chuckle rumbled in Deaq's chest as he tightened his arms around his partner's body. "No worries there, babe. You're stuck with me until you decide you've had enough."

A snort of laughter came from the man Deaq held in his arms. "I'll never have enough." Tipping his head back he looked straight up in to the eyes of his partner and asked once again. "Make sure, Deaq, because once I latch on, the only thing that'll make me let go is if you toss me out."

Looking down into eyes that were once again vibrant and living, Deaq couldn't keep the smile off of his face. "Oh, I'm sure, babe. I'm not letting you go anytime soon."

Smiling at each other, the two men moved toward each other, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and Deaq Hayes kissed Van Ray his partner, in more ways than one. 

*******************************

I can say that I'm happy, for the first time in my life. Deaq is the best thing that could have happened to me. I remember watching Dre with his wife and wishing that someone would love and care for me like he did with her. Now, finally, I've got the one thing that I've always wanted; someone who loves and cares for me and who offers me safety in the world of lies and dangers that I've lived my whole life. 

Who would have imagined that two of my greatest tragedies would have birthed such wonderful bliss; first was Dre dying, which introduced me to Deaq and then Yu raping me, which made Deaq realize he could care about me. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank the two men responsible for the events but I do thank circumstance that Deaq was the brother that Dre had.

It's been six months since the Mighty Blue case and we've slowly gotten back on the horse, so to speak. For awhile, I wasn't sure I still had a job at the Candy Store but, since I've got Deaq, the jobs have gotten easier and I don't fall for the marks anymore. How could I when, once I get home, the man who's given me the greatest gift of all- security and love, is waiting for me?

Hopefully, tonight will be the night that Deaq shows me just how much he loves me. I can't wait.

******************************

After the successful conclusion of the first major assignment they'd had since Mighty Blue, Deaq and Van returned to their home, exhausted. As soon as they got home though, Deaq went to the kitchen to prepare dinner while Van took a quick shower and made sure that the bed was made. Drying his hair, Van walked into the kitchen and watched in amusement as Deaq prepared a big pot of stew. 

"Deaq, how much of that are you planning on eating?" 

Van's question stopped Deaq in mid-motion and he turned to stare at his partner. "You're eating some of this too. You still haven't put on enough weight."

Laughing, Van draped the towel around his shoulders and walked over to stand beside his partner. "So, what kind of stew is this?" 

Ruffling Van's still wet hair, Deaq just smiled. "It's my special recipe for putting meat on skinny bones. It should do the trick with you, babe."

"Yeah, yeah. Get over it already, Deaq. You know I'm not that big of a guy. I'm never going to weigh as much as you do." A sidelong look followed Van's dig and he laughed in delight as Deaq took the bait and began to tickle him. Shrieks of laugher filled the air as the two men connected and reassured each other of their mutual safety.

Deaq was surprised and pleased to see his partner dig into the meal and, by the time they'd finished, Van had eaten a bowl and a half of the stew while Deaq had had three bowls. With good-natured teasing and tickling, Deaq put the leftovers away and then went to take his shower while Van washed the dishes. When he was finished, Van made sure that the apartment was secure for the nights and, turning off all but a small light in the kitchen, headed for bed. 

Entering the room that had become as much a haven as Deaq's arms, Van sighed in relief and crawled into bed. Settling under the covers, Van waited for Deaq to finish his shower and join him. By the time Deaq joined him under the covers, Van was dozing but that didn't stop him from snuggling into Deaq's embrace. 

"Sweet dreams, babe." Deaq's voice followed him into the realm of dreams and insured that he would have pleasant dreams that night. Deaq allowed himself to think about what he had planned for their next day but was soon drawn into the web of Morpheus. 

The next morning dawned bright and gorgeous and Deaq decided that they needed to see the sun so they went out for a visit to the beach. On their way back they stopped by Aquarius' for a late lunch. By the time they got back to their apartment, twilight was upon them and Deaq was ready for his surprise to begin. 

Taking his partner by the hand, he embraced him and whispered, "do you trust me, babe?"

Van just sighed as he was held in the arms that meant more to him than anything in the world and nodded. 

Satisfied that his partner was relaxed, Deaq lead them to the bedroom where he proceeded to gently strip his partner until Van stood before him as naked as the day he was born. Slowly, so as not to startle him, Deaq moved him to the bed and sat him down to watch the show. Clicking on a CD, he began to dance strip to the amusement and delight of his appreciative audience. 

As the music began to reach its climax, Deaq stripped down to his flashy boxers and, as the last note played, he let the boxers fall to the ground in a puddle at his feet. Van watched curiously to see what Deaq would do now that both music and strip show had ended. To his surprise, Deaq chose another song before inviting him to dance. Together, Deaq and Van danced and got comfortable with each other's nudity. Soon, fingers were exploring and hands were soothing until they found themselves, not surprisingly, back at their bed. 

Moving slowly but surely, Deaq gently lowered his soon-to-be lover onto their bed and began to kiss and fondle his way down his face and neck. Soon, a steady whine could be heard from Van as Deaq teased and sucked down his neck and to his nipples, where he spent an inordinate amount of time comparing the two flavors. Trembling hands landed on Deaq's head and he looked up, concerned, only to meet the lust-filled eyes of his lover. A tentative push and Deaq figured out what Van wanted. Giving him a lustful stare, Deaq moved his body lower until his face was staring straight at the evidence of Van's desire for him. 

Smiling at his lover, Deaq gently ran a finger over the narrow cock and watched as Van nearly arched off the bed at the sensation. Determined to give Van only pleasure, Deaq slowly and carefully sheathed Van's cock in his mouth. The cry of surprise became a keen of pleasure as Deaq sucked and licked and kissed Van's cock until, with a soft cry of 'Deaq!' he climaxed. Deaq milked Van's cock until it was soft and limp before he let it slip out of his mouth. 

Licking his lips, Deaq watched carefully to see whether Van would react negatively but was relieved when a smile of bliss curved his lips and he lifted his head to watch Deaq. Crawling up Van's body, Deaq pressed kisses on random spots and listened to the soft cries that Van's throat was producing. Finally, pressing his lips to Van's throat, Deaq began to nibble and was pleased when the soft cries became low purrs and Van's body began to writhe. 

Letting a hand move to fondle the reawakening erection, Deaq kissed and licked his way up Van's gorgeous and sensitive neck. Nibbling on the edge of his chin and then moving on to lightly kiss his cheek, Deaq was surprised when Van turned his head and met Deaq's lips with his own. Tentative union became deep passion as their lips moved over each other while their tongues played an erotic game of hide and seek. 

Soon, the necessity for oxygen forced their mouths apart and Deaq gazed into the eyes of his lover. Van appeared to be overwhelmed by the feelings coursing through him but, just as Deaq was getting ready to claim a second climax from him, Van's fingers clamped onto his. Startled, Deaq looked at Van to make sure that he wasn't hurting him, or god-forbid, bringing back some awful memory. Van was just looking at him, measuring something important and Deaq held himself steady under the probing eyes of his lover. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Van took a deep breath and then let it out.

"I want you to come inside of me." The strong and yet vulnerable demand brought Deaq's full attention to the shivering man beneath him and, pulling a cover from the pile on the floor, he covered them with it. Only then did he respond.

"Are you sure? It will hurt for a moment, even if you're enjoying yourself." Deaq rubbed his cheek against Van's fingers as he asked. "Make absolutely certain that you're ready for this, babe."

Determined eyes stared back at him as Van nodded. "I'm sure. I trust you and I want to have something more with you." Suddenly uncertain, he looked up at Deaq as he whispered, "If you want me that is. I mean, I'll understand if you don't want…."

A finger over his lips stopped him and Deaq looked at him in mock outrage. "You can think like that when I'm draped over you and I've kissed you and sucked you? You still think I can't want you, don't you?" Sudden illumination struck and Deaq leaned over the younger man. "Ah, babe, trust me when I say there's nothing I'd rather be doing than this, with you." a tender kiss was dropped onto pale red lips and then onto the right cheek, then the left cheek. "Van, babe, you may not be ready for it, but I am. I love you, babe." There was a twinkle in his eye but uncertainty too. 

Van's eyes probed his until satisfied and then they lit up with trust and love. "So do I, Deaq. I love you." A faint rosy blush painted his cheeks and brightened his lips as he answered.

Deaq felt his heart beat faster as he drew closer to the angel on the bed. "Damn, babe, you're beautiful." The last words were whispered on his lips as Deaq kissed Van with all the love he could express. 

Sweet, dizzying kisses were exchanged and Deaq and Van both drowned in the emotion they could feel sizzling between them. Van was so relaxed that the first finger into his hole made no impression. When the second finger went in, Van tensed a bit, as if in remembered pain, before relaxing once again. Dropping a feather-light kiss on Van's nose, Deaq reached over and grabbed the lubricant from the floor where he'd placed it. 

The crinkling of a condom wrapper brought panicked eyes up to stare at the man before him and when Deaq moved, he saw Van flinch. Dropping the condom, Deaq began to soothe his lover and didn't stop until he was sure that Van was all right. "Ok, what happened, babe?"

"He…you, the condom." Stutters, but enough for Deaq to get the idea. Reaching for the condom he handed it to his lover. "Put it on me, babe."

Nervous hands pulled out the condom and carefully rolled it onto Deaq's glistening erection. Soon, Van found himself so engrossed in the feel and sight of Deaq's cock that he jumped when Deaq lightly touched him on the shoulder. "Oh, shit, babe. I'm sorry." Deaq's apologies brought Van back and he hurried to reassure him. "No, I was…um admiring the view."

A raised eyebrow met his reply but Deaq refrained from commenting. Handing Van the tube of lube, he watched as Van carefully rubbed his condom covered erection with lube and then squeezed some onto Deaq's fingers before lying down. Taking a deep breath, Deaq gently began to circle the hole leading into his lover's treasure and began to tease and arouse him once again. 

The light and feathery touches were slowly driving Van insane and the soft cries and moans were having the same effect on Deaq. By the time the first finger breached the hole, relief was the only thing that Van was feeling. The second finger joined the first and they began to thrust and scissor, playing with the hole and enlarging it. Deaq very carefully inserted his third finger, making sure to keep an eye on his lover while he did so. Happily, Van just moaned as the third finger began to play the same game and when Deaq hit that magical spot deep within Van's ass, his whine intensified and he arched up, thrusting his hips toward Deaq. "please, deaq, need you, love."

The low moans, cries and whine combined with his words convinced Deaq that he was ready and he slowly removed his fingers from his lover's entrance. Making sure that his condom was sufficiently lubed, Deaq positioned himself at the entrance and waited. As Van writhed from the aftereffects, Deaq teased the entrance with his cock until he was sure that Van was relaxed and then, gently, breached his hole. A minute tensing was felt as Van's body realized that there was an intruder at their gates but, as soon as his mind remembered who it was, his body relaxed and welcomed Deaq in.

The deep and soul-satisfying connection they experienced was beyond anything they could ever have dreamed and as Deaq moved within Van and Van encouraged Deaq, their connection became deeper and more meaningful. Time lost meaning and the only thing that was important was the other's feelings and pleasure. The primal dance was tempered by their genuine feeling for each other and resulted in a dance of passion and beauty until, finally, they reached the edge and plunged over it, together. Their cries echoed in the silence of their room, as their breath became calm once again. Only then did they severe their connection. 

They knew that this wasn't going to solve every problem they came across and that assignments were still going to be dangerous, but at least they had each other and love and safety. And for them, that was enough.


End file.
